I want to introduce you to Schelli Whitehouse (left). She wrote a most interesting blog post on how to Attract the Perfect Clients with Authenticity and Leadership which had me nodding along, laughing (especially at the horse-eating plastic bag, lol!), and giving her points some deep thought. Particularly on the point of my business being a reflection of myself…

If you run a service-based business, or work directly with clients or customers of any kind, you’ll find this interesting. Schelli talks about dealing with refunds, demanding or slow-paying clients, and the stress of raising prices. All of which relates back to us, and our mindset.

It’s a short post (a quick read) but will leave you with plenty to think about. I’ve often confessed at how many hurdles I overcame along the way, personal hurdles, to bring my business to where it is today. Everything from pricing, to dealing with the negatives to managing my business.

None of that came naturally for me. I went into business with no previous experience and no college education. And plenty of personal issues.

Looking back I can say that the one thing I wish I had done sooner was to get help. I don’t mean therapy, though that probably wouldn’t have hurt (lol). I mean getting a coach, getting involved with a mastermind group, or aligning myself with other successful people that I could learn from.

I would love to hear the one thing you took away from Shelli’s post.

For me it was being aligned with my objectives. I realize that sometimes my thoughts and feelings are not in line with my goals, and those goals are rarely met. It helps to know the “why” behind your goal, and to be 100% attached to that why.

I also loved the example of the horses getting spooked, and what that says about focus. The fact that they waste no time over the details, but rather get right back to work the minute they recognize the situation for what it is.

Like I said, it’s a quick read – but very powerful. As we head into the new year, and a new decade even, now is a good time to analyze where you are with your business – and what changes you would like to make. If you are not moving forward, and enjoying every minute of your business, now would be a good time to explore the reasons behind that. Is it your business – or is it you?

I know for a long time it was me. I can admit that.

What holds you back? What part of your business do you love, and which part do you dread dealing with? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Maybe we can get Schelli to weigh in on some of it with us.

Also, Schelli has just launched a scholarship essay contest for people interested in participating her my upcoming 10-month program. You could win a spot in her program just for entering! You can get details and enter at this link. The contest ends on January 11th, so you’ll want to enter soon if you’re interested!

Best,

Disclosure: this post was sponsored by The Next Highest Version of You

Raise your hand if you’ve heard of relationship marketing. Now keep it up if you know what it means.

Lots of hands still up, huh? OK. Fine. You, there. You with the iPhone and the I’m Kind of a Big Deal on Twitter t-shirt. What does relationship marketing mean?

Mmm hmm?

Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. I tuned out at “creating authentic connections” and “establishing many-to-many connections that foster meaningful dialogue.” DING DING DING. You are WRONG, my tweep, my Facebook friend, my FriendFeed flunkie.

Let’s talk about what “relationship marketing” really is, shall we?

According to Wikipedia, and Len Barry who coined the term, “relationship marketing is a form of marketing which emphasizes customer retention and satisfaction, rather than a dominant focus on point-of-sale transactions.”

1. Relationship marketing is not about relationships. It’s about marketing.

As a relationship marketer, I focus on making sure you not only buy my stuff today, but you keep buying it over and over and over. “Relationship” refers to the customer’s purchase history, not some deep interpersonal connection.

We do not take moonlit walks on the beach. We are not friends. We are not acquaintances. As a matter of fact, we couldn’t pick each other out of a police lineup.

As a business, I’ve simply agreed to listen to you — or, more likely, people demographically similar to you — for long enough to know what you might buy. Then I make it and sell it to you.

If this is our relationship, we both need therapy.

2. Relationship marketing is not about authenticity.

I could tell you I’m just an ordinary person who happens to be exactly like you. I could tell you I’m the reincarnation of Cleopatra’s pool boy. I could tell you I’m a one-eared lumberjack.

It doesn’t matter a whit. If I get you signed up for my advance discount list and give you a good enough deal, we both win.

3. Relationship marketing is not about transparency.

Transparency is nice, and sometimes necessary, but it’s not what this is about.

It’s fascinating when Rand Fishkin tells me how much money he made last year, but it doesn’t affect whether or not I keep my SEOMoz membership.

4. Relationship marketing is not about connection.

Just because Steve Jobs doesn’t know your kid’s name doesn’t mean you’re going to buy a Dell next time.

5. Relationship marketing is not about being social.

Social is Sunday morning brunch with your buddies. It’s not Twitter.

And frankly, you’ll have a tough time selling anything in either place.

6. Relationship marketing is not about equality.

The only thing that’s equal about you being my “fan” and me begging you for money is that we’re equally codependent.

7. Relationship marketing is not even about communication.

I buy apples every week and the things don’t even have a label, let alone a communication strategy.

You joining my Facebook fan page is not a relationship.

You following me on Twitter is not a relationship.

You commenting on my blog is not a relationship.

Let’s face it, if your boyfriend treated you as badly as I do, your mother would tell you to break up with him.

Relationship marketing is about marketing.

The touchy feely, Summer of Love, gosh-aren’t-we-great-friends stuff is nice. Sometimes it’s even necessary. But it’s not what relationship marketing is actually about.

Relationship marketing is about getting the customer to stick around long enough to keep shopping. And it’s about making sure that customer comes back next time to buy more stuff.

Don’t fall so in love with the relationship that you forget about the marketing. Like talking about benefits and not just features. Like having a halfway decent market position. Like a real call to action. Like, you know, selling stuff.

All the authentically transparent connections in the world won’t fix those if they’re broken. But stick a Wheaties coupon on the back of every box of Wheaties and you’ve got it nailed.

About the Author: Naomi Dunford is the woman Brian Clark lovingly refers to as a marketing genius and Tourette’s survivor. She is the author of IttyBiz and co-author of How To Launch The **** Out Of Your Ebook. Her alleged potty-mouth is prominent in the former and virtually non-existent in the latter.